So, Brady and I are going to be creating a crowd-funding campaign soon to help us get to Africa, and it has brought up some challenges for both of us. For me, the challenge is specifically in asking other people (especially people we don’t know) for help (especially financial help).
Both of us have worked our way through school, and have tried out many jobs since. And while I am still relatively dependent on my parents, and I know they wouldn’t hesitate to help me if I ever asked them, I rarely ask. Even then, it’s only in rather dire circumstances. So, why is it so hard?
Here’s what it comes down to for me:
- Asking for help feels like failure. And for no reason other than I’ve built it up to be that way in my own head. I’m not sure when the switch happened for me where asking for help became a mark of shame, but these days it’s much easier to accept financial hardship than to simply go to my support system for help. I think it has something to do with the idea that I should be able to handle all the things happening in my life, because I’ve grown into them–inherited them with the progression of time–but I give myself very little grace when I (inevitably) stumble.
- I doubt others want to help me. Which is strange, given the fact that I’d do pretty much anything for someone who came to me for help. I’m a person who likes to find solutions, so if you come to me with a problem, I’m going to want to help you fix it. I don’t necessarily want to fix it for you, but I want to help you where I can. Which, for me, often includes giving money. Yet I feel like a burden when asking for help or even admitting that I’m struggling to anyone else.
- I’ve led a comfortable life. Why should I ask for money when so many other people have it so much worse than I do? It doesn’t matter that what I hope to do in Africa is serve–when I think about the idea of asking for money from friends, family, and strangers, a lot of it comes back to the idea that whatever money I receive might be better spent helping those less fortunate. This is the hardest thing for me, honestly.
Brady reminded me yesterday that we are going for the purpose of helping people, of finding our own purpose, and of learning about the world from a new perspective–all noble goals. He also reminded me that part of what we have not done in our endeavors to get ourselves to Africa is to simply ask for aid. We’ve been so focused on getting ourselves to Africa, that we’ve lost ourselves in the work we’ve been doing to raise money. And money, despite my distaste for it, is a very important aspect of international travel (whatever the reason).
So, yes, we will be starting a crowd-funding campaign. And yes, it will be difficult for both of us. But I am trying to learn to ask for help without shame, and to put my faith in others and their capacity for empathy and support.
I am not the only giver in the world. I have to let the other givers give as well, to people they love and care about. And part of the challenge, of course, is going to accept the love, care, and support that they want to give, to truly believe that I am worthy of it.
