Have you ever heard that flirtatious, sophomoric girl giggle and say, “I guess I’m just stubborn!” as an explanation for her unswerving refusal to watch any movie that isn’t 13 Going on 30? Or how about that line-treading boyfriend who, upon hearing that his girlfriend’s mother is stubborn, jokes, “Oh, is that where you get it?” (Guilty.) Every once in a while, I have to stop and wonder this: when did stubbornness become cute in our society? Blame it on genetic memory or half-heard anecdotes from grandparents, but I’m pretty sure there was a time when stubbornness was a trait that got you beaten. “You don’t like liver and onions? I guess you don’t get dinner.” “The sweater isn’t stylish enough for you? Well, then I hope nakedness is.” “I dare say, Caroline, I care not one pence if you dislike the smell of whale oil; we hath no form of artificial light besides.” (Too far back?)
The point is, not only do we now cater to stubbornness in our society, it’s well on its way to being a virtue. I think it would be hard to argue that we’ve really developed in our disciplinary techniques recently (we probably peaked at the wooden paddle), so it makes sense that generations have been increasingly given leeway to “stand firm.” And that has given rise, I think, to a basic semantic confusion. We’ve mixed up the concepts of stubbornness and steadfastness. How often in our society—politically, socially, legally—have we seen some child in a suit declare that he will remain unmoved because he’s standing up for American families, masculinity, or an assault rifle’s right to free speech? On a daily basis, we watch that one sexually frustrated hag in line at Target demand that those Hot Pockets are on sale or else. That’s not steadfastness. That’s stubbornness that was never administered a proper consequence. And that’s why I carry a wooden paddle with me wherever I go.
Humbly, I would like to offer this distinction. Stubbornness is standing up for what you want; steadfastness is standing up for what you believe. And no, believing that you deserve ice cream for dinner is not a belief. That’s a selfish desire that you turned into a cause. We could spend our energy fighting against human trafficking, world hunger, and Kanye West, but instead we fight a minimum-wage cashier for twenty-five cents. If you think that’s steadfastness, think about how little that makes your world.
Now open that idea up a little. What are some areas in your life where you’ve mixed up stubbornness and steadfastness? I get stubborn about my plans. When I make a plan to go to Africa in October, I stand by that plan regardless of financial hardship, religious militants, and outbreaks of deadly diseases that make you bleed from the eyes. But as opportunities to serve, succeed, and make those endeavors more possible later manifest, I begin to realize that standing up for my plans isn’t steadfastness, but stubbornness. Standing up for Africa is steadfastness; standing up for me going there now is stubbornness. And I realize with reluctant self-awareness that I have to put my head down and just eat the liver and onions so I can have the strength to stand up for something bigger tomorrow.
